Debbie,
This is what I trying to learn…
“…husbands, LOVE YOUR WIVES, just AS CHRIST LOVED the church. He GAVE UP HIS LIFE for her to make her holy and clean, washed by the cleansing of God’s word. He did this to present her to himself as a glorious church without a spot or wrinkle or any other blemish. Instead, she will be holy and without fault. In the same way, husbands ought to LOVE THEIR WIVES as they love their own bodies. For a man who LOVES HIS WIFE actually shows love for himself.” (Eph. 5:25-28) The Greek word for “love” here is agape. Husbands are to love their wives with GOD’S KIND OF LOVE—selfless, sacrificial, and unconditional. For a husband to love his wife, he must truly desire WHAT IS BEST FOR HER, and he must work for that best, REGARDLESS OF THE COST TO HIMSELF.
The Bible also gives husbands a practical way to gauge the authenticity of their love for their wives: are they caring for their wives’ needs in a way comparable to how they care for themselves? “Husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. After all, no one ever hated their own body, but they feed and care for their body, just as Christ does the church” (Eph. 5:28–29). Today, in order to make sure that we understand marriage correctly, we need to remind ourselves that Scripture says marriage is not two people tying the knot, but marriage is God joining two people together, and the two become as one. Half a pair of scissors is not very useful. A pair of scissors requires two halves made into one, and both halves need to be functioning appropriately. The culture Paul was addressing was one in which the men basically ran the show. They had almost total authority over the women, the children and the slaves. The women, children and slaves had absolutely no alternative but to live submissively to these very authoritarian people.
“A husband also must love his wife. He must love her just as he loves himself. And a wife must respect her husband.” (Eph. 5:33) Paul comes into that situation with the Christian Gospel, and he tells the women, the slaves and the children that they are fundamentally THE SAME as the men, and that was a radical message at that particular time. He tells them that they are created by God, they are loved by God. Christ died for them, and they could be reconciled to God; they could be indwelt by the Holy Spirit, they could become members of the Body of Christ, they could actually have a life of eternal significance. This was radical in the extreme.
“Husbands, recognize your wife’s intelligence and her ability to counsel with you as a real partner regarding family plans, family activities, and family budgeting. Don’t be stingy with your time or with your means. Give her the opportunity to grow intellectually, emotionally, and socially as well as spiritually.” Ezra Taft Benson
-Bill Stockham