“Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and GOD OF ALL COMFORT, (paraklēsis: to call alongside and console) who COMFORTS us in all our tribulation, that we may be able to COMFORT those who are in any trouble, with the COMFORT with which we ourselves are COMFORTED by God.” (2 Corin. 1:3-4)
HOW TO COMFORT SOMEONE GOING THROUGH A HARD TIME:
- DON’T MAKE VAGUE OR GENERALIZED OFFERS OF HELP: “Let us know if there’s anything we can do.” “Shout if you need anything.” Statements like these are always well intended, but not always that helpful as a stand-alone offer.
- DO MAKE SPECIFIC OFFERS OF HELP, AND, IF APPROPRIATE, JUST GO AHEAD AND DO IT: A better way of offering to help is by making specific suggestions, such as: “Can I give you a lift to the hospital this week?” “Could I come over and do some cleaning for you?” This means the person doesn’t have to think on the spot about how you could help, and will also know what you’re willing to do for them.
- DON’T ASK “HOW ARE YOU?”: They won’t be sure how you’re expecting them to be, or what aspect you’re asking about. Do you mean emotionally? Practically? Physically? Spiritually? Where do they begin? Will you feel awkward if they’re too honest? Do you want a brief summary or a long conversation?
- DO ASK MORE SPECIFIC QUESTIONS: Do some of the thinking for them. Try to ask more specific things like: “how are you sleeping?” “Have family been around this week?” Follow up on prior knowledge, asking questions such as: “How did the scan go on Wednesday?” “How are you feeling about going back to work?”
- DO GRIEVE WITH THEM FIRST, AND THEN REMIND THEM OF OUR HOPE IN CHRIST: We grieve, but importantly, not without hope. So, mourn with your friend. Give them the chance to express their great sadness to you, show sympathy, cry with them. Share in their sorrow and don’t be afraid to first pause in grief with them. But then point them to our very great hope in Christ. “I do not want you to be ignorant, brethren, concerning those who have fallen asleep, lest you sorrow as others who have no hope. For if we believe that Jesus died and rose again, even so God will BRING WITH HIM THOSE WHO SLEEP in Jesus.” (1 Thess. 4:13-14)
Your Personal Pastor -Bill Stockham